Not for the squeamish

Sunday, July 12, 2009

I didn't want to blog about this. Frankly, the whole episode would be better forgotten. Of course, if facebook statuses mean any posterity, it's far too late for that.

This was my facebook update yesterday morning:

I was out walking Harry, our faithful if irritating terrier, when about two blocks from home I was accosted and chosen as host organism for a horrible beast. Its new domicile was of course my left ear.

The two block walk was difficult. Every so often, the little expletive would flap its tiny wings, presumably to remind me it was in there and that it essentially owned me. Upon feeling and hearing these flaps ("The calls are coming from inside the house!" has never been so poignant), I would -- I believe quite understandably -- freak the hell out somewhat. Which is to say, I'd scream and slap myself in the ear.

I can only imagine what my neighbors must think of me.

Upon reaching our house, I (can you guess?) googled "a bug is stuck in my ear." One suggestion included "stick a blade of grass in your ear." I suppose that sounds . . . reasonable? But in my panicked state, I read "stick a blade OR grass in your ear." That sounded downright insane, so I tried a different site. Before I had a chance, however, my new little ear friend decided to do some serious flapping of wings. I screamed in a very manly way, and then woke up Beth and the baby to explain very calmly what was going on.

A few things we tried, thanks to Beth's clear head, helped. Among them: flushing the ear with water. This helped the little expletive get one . . . ugh . . . wing out of the ear canal. Beth, coyly, spotted the wing but did not fully let on that the creature living inside me was indeed a moth. She knew this would upset me. She did, however, suggest I stand next to a light.

That's when I knew.

"Ohmygod it's a freakin' moth!"

I won't get into the hoary details of my screaming and flailing and insisting everyone back away, no sudden moves, et cetera. Suffice it to say, just as I was getting ready to head to the ER for a mothectomy, the thing crawled out and fell to the bathroom floor.

I then killed it with tremendous passion and loathing. I think even Roo will understand.

It was a complicated day after that. That is, despite this unquestionable low point in the early morning, it turned out to be a good day (we bought Beth her new laptop), then a very good evening (we had supper at the Lakeside with many a Bracken), and then a freakin' amazing night (an author whom I respect and admire has agreed to blurb YA Novel the First, and sent me an amazing email telling me so).


7 Responses to “Not for the squeamish”
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Corey Schwartz said...

Sorry to laugh at your agony, but that was freakin' hilarious!

July 12, 2009 at 8:55 AM
Kangaroo B said...

I would have been relieved that it is a moth. Much better than (e.g.) a wasp!

Oh and I approve of the killing. (1) You were under attack, and (2) if you let it live, it would just eat your wardrobe.

July 12, 2009 at 9:33 AM
Alea said...

OMG that's like the scariest thing ever! :/

July 12, 2009 at 11:47 AM
Christy Raedeke said...

Sorry for your discomfort, but that was hilarious!

And did I just read a Twitter post from *THE* SARAH ZARR saying how much she loved your book? Congratulations! A most coveted blurb!

July 16, 2009 at 6:17 PM
Steve Brezenoff said...

CR: Glad I made everyone laugh. I was laughing too, at least some of the time.

Also, thanks! And I know. I'm pretty flipped out about it.

July 16, 2009 at 6:21 PM

That wasn't funny at all...I just happen to be laughing hysterically.

May 23, 2010 at 8:14 AM
Laura Manivong said...

ow, my stomach, ow, ow, ow. Flippin' hilarious. Dude, you should write.

May 23, 2010 at 9:17 AM